So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodnight

So this is it. Our last night in Vancouver. Time seems to have decided to rush by this summer because it doesn’t seem 2 minutes since we were getting ready for our big US trip. Now we’re leaving for good and heading out East. Eeeeeek.

Vancouver has offered up a pretty good summer 

and I’ll definitely be sad to leave. We had pride which was big and flamboyant and hungover and hot. So bloody hot. It was fun to spend it with all our friends (including a wicked visit from Kate from home) and we had a great time. We tried out the Canadian’s street party offering. Pretty good, but didn’t hold a candle to the Royal Wedding at home. That was also a drunken affair. On the Saturday we went to the Dyke March on Commercial which was really chilled and full of families. And boobs. Loads of boobs. We successfully thwarted our hangovers with fruit beer and sangria and Sunday arrived, hot as hell and ready for the Pride parade. We had a pride brunch of vodka jelly shots and crudités and went to watch the parade in the blazing heat. It was pretty good. There were thousands of people there and everyone was in such a great mood. We were only disappointed that we didn’t bring our cozzies because the sea was soooo good. We finished up our pride weekend with an after-party at our friend’s penthouse (sweet) and then hit Celebrities for a very sweaty 2 hours before hauling ourselves off to bed with a donair. A thoroughly good weekend.

View from Harrison

Douche Avenger

The only blip over the summer was the awful Sunday where I thought my disc had gone again, and we had to cancel our trip to the Rockies. In hindsight it was totally the right thing to do. I got some time to rest up to prepare for our bigger (and more important) trip and I guess we saved a bit of money on the way. Also it gives us even more reasons to come back to visit (alongside the Aurora Borealis and you know, friends). Anyway, we kept hold of the hire car for a day and decided to head to the Harrison hot springs as it was a lot closer and pretty good for the back. We finally made it to Lynn Canyon on the way and tried out the suspension bridge and paddled in the 30 foot pool. The hot springs were lush. They were open really late at night so we could hang out in the steaming pools and look at the stars...The hotel was pretty weird and I’m sure we were the youngest there by about 40 years, but it we had a really lovely time. Seeing Ash’s face when the car hire people told us we were getting an upgrade to a ‘sporty model’ was pretty funny too. I nicknamed it the Douche Avenger.

Night market

Our last weeks have been filled with frantically selling items on Craigslist, resting up the back whilst trying to make sure we do everything we wanted to do before we leave. We visited the Richmond night market which was really cool. I think I ate a bit too much squid and I burnt my mouth off on an octopus ball...but it was another item ticked off the list. We also managed to make it back out to West Van to see Sandi and Molly who we stayed with when we first arrived.  It was really nice to be back and hopefully we’ll see them next time they’re in the UK. Oh and we obviously have Meat & Bread scheduled for our last day.

Ash enjoying said Night Market

Lynn Canyon

I have decided to compile a list of the things that I will miss, and the things that I won’t , about living in Vancouver. I’ve tried to make it not food based, but it was extremely hard. So...

 Things I will not miss:

       1.Getting mistaken for a man

       2. Only being able to buy alcohol from BC Liquor stores (most of which aren’t open past 6pm or on a Sunday)

       3. Selling cell phones

       4. How fucking expensive this city is  

       5. Bedbugs/racoons/skunks/BEAR FEAR etc.

       6. Seeing the bitch who stole our money driving round in a Mercedes

Things I will miss:

1. People – you know who you are

2. Mountains, beach, forest, snow, GAY all in one city

3. Toonie toss

4. Granville Island

5.  The beer culture – I even started to like the North American weird ‘smells like passionfruit tastes bitter as hell’ hops they use

6. Stanley Park

7. The excellent transport system (Dad point)

8. The sunsets

9. “Do you wanna play a game for some beer?

10. Varied and assorted food items; Bennys, peanut butter in everything, stuffed bagels, steamed pork buns, black kale, Tim Horton’s gross but cheap work snacks and...

11. Slurpees (of course). They deserve their own point on the list as they provided me, time after time, with the best hangover cure I have ever known. Thank the lord for Slurpees.

Adam threw us a going away party on Friday which was lovely, and just chock full of gays. On a sidenote, I also tried a Beergarita for the first time (Margarita and Corona), which was only marginally better than Adam’s Crystal Light and vodka. Rank. It was a pretty emotional goodbye...that we basically kept putting off by meeting up every day afterwards to prolong the inevitable. It's much better to leave on a high however and we definitely have unfinished business with this country.

Thankfully we’re heading off for a really exciting trip, which will make leaving a little bit easier. Our next stop is Halifax in Nova Scotia, so everyone has to cross their fingers for the back, and for no hurricanes. I’m still trying to convince Ash to dress up for Anne of Green Gables in Prince Edward Island, and I’m massively looking forward to hitting the smoked meat in Montreal.

So...byebye Vancouver. Thanks for an amazing year and thanks to the wicked people that we met. Get yourselves over to the UK.

I guess I’ll see you all back home?! That sounds so weird. I cannot WAIT for that first pint of Harvest Pale.

Stella x

I left my heart...

OK, so it’s occurred to me that I haven’t written a blog for a little while (2 and a half months?!) and to be honest I’m not sure where to begin. SPOILER ALERT: This is going to be a LONG one.

It feels like the last few months have flown by, which I think is a sign that we’re enjoying ourselves much more than we were before (see mice, bedbugs, thieving gits etc). I know Ash filled you in on our super gay mini-break to the cabin so I won’t go over that...except to say that Ash was an excellent driver, and I greatly appreciated our friend Mike leaving his iPod in the mini for us (hello Barbara Dixon).

Next up was the royal visit ie. Jen and Mark crossing the pond to experience the delights that Vancouver has to offer. And to be honest the Couv pulled it out of the bag. The summer weather made the city look a completely different place from when Mum and Dad visited, and it was nice to show it off. Most culinary hot spots were visited; Meat & Bread (which Mark insisted on visiting twice), Bao Bei, big dumplings, Bin 941, smoked-meat filled bagels and the obligatory diner visit. Needless to say we also tried a few of the BC beers too, including raspberry beer brewed on Granville Island. Tasty. It was a bit of a heart wrench to say goodbye but I had an amazing time and I’m pretty sure they liked it too. Especially as we sent them home with some Meat & Bread mustard.

Harry and Ginny

Otherwise in the city, things are going well. If you didn’t hear already I WON AN IPAD at work. A result of my incredible intellect and wit (and love of acronyms). Unfortunately, we need the money more now we’re saving for our travels so it’s gone on craigslist. It is killing me. I tried half-heartedly to convince Ash (and myself) that we could justify keeping it but alas, my Ash’s common sense won out. I also promised to go sharesies with Adam so I couldn’t really keep half of it. Pretty pleased nonetheless.

It’s just been my birthday which was lovely. Adam threw a British party to celebrate which was suitably drunken and fun...complete with cucumber sandwiches! I desperately wanted to go as SuBo but bottled it in the end due to my fear of just looking like myself but hairier. Harry Potter was the obvious choice and I spent the evening wiping red scar all over my face and yes...I did drop my iPhone down the loo. Thankfully due to the “bowl of rice trick” all is well again. Ash treated me to a really great day out on my birthday, complete with picnic and a secret bar in the evening. Unfortunately we were both pretty ill for most of the day but we made the most of it regardless.

Secret birthday picnic drinking

My birthday choices!

Beaver Lake - Stanley Park

The main event of the past few weeks however was our Big Fat USA Trip, which I can’t really believe we’ve been and done. Now, I know that Ash wants to cover some of it in her blog so we’ve divided it by cities; I get San Francisco and Las Vegas. And you get mainly food stories and the odd attempt at a sarcastic joke from me. Hooray.

View from Coit Tower

Firstly San Francisco...

From the moment we arrived (fairly gross and sweaty after our 18 hour train journey) to the moment we left, I enjoyed every minute of getting to know this city. Well, every minute except the “me-naked-in-the-shower-whilst-a-burst-pipe-floods-the-shit-out-of-this-weird-old-lady’s-house” experience. We’d literally been in her house half an hour. Oh well, nothing says getting to know each other like being naked wrapped in a shower curtain. 

Anyway, putting that aside we had a great time. We were staying in a bit of a hippie area that had great views of the city and its very own lesbian bar. On a sidenote – don’t go there. They might kill you. But it was in a great position to explore the city.

Murals in the Mission

 

Chinatown

We walked up Coit Tower on our first day – man that city is hilly! But we were rewarded with great views of the bridge, Alcatraz and the windiest road. Not to mention the excellent giant pizza slices at the bottom! Chinatown was crazy but great to experience and just as you imagine it. The Castro was really laid-back and great to hang out in. We saw where Harvey Milk had his shop, the Castro theatre...and a cookie shop full of pictures of men in tiny y-fronts saying HOT COOKIES on them. We also had our only Man vs Food experience here at Ike’s Place. The fact that we took “the best sandwich I have ever eaten” and accidentally ate it in a ‘Dog Free run Play Park’ didn’t even dampen our experience. We had a lovely, but too short, time in Golden Gate Park, followed by an authentic taco crawl around the Mission lead by a friend-of-a-friend. Excellent.

I managed to convince Ash to do something touristy so we headed to Alcatraz amongst the thousands of other tourists. But I’m pleased we did because it was really well done. You listen to an audio tour narrated by former inmates and guards and it was pretty fascinating. It didn’t seem to stop me referring to it as Azkaban the whole time though. 

We both got burnt to hell on the boat back but it was totally worth it. From there we went to Fisherman’s Wharf which was probably the only area I didn’t like that much. It was rammed full of tourists and full of chain shops and fast food places. Although we did get to experience the thrill of ordering from the secret menu at In & Out burger, a California staple. 

 

Azkaban

Speaking of secrets...I did my homework before arriving and found a secret bar called Bourbon & Branch that was a Speakeasy during prohibition. It had no signage whatsoever and we had to give a password to enter. Once inside, we got taken through a false bookcase into the library bar for one of the most amazing cocktails and drinking experiences I’ve ever had (who knew Allspice could taste so good?). Totally worth trudging through the slightly rough bit to get to. I don’t have any pictures of the bar as you weren’t allowed so here is one of the door outside.

 

I have included a few transport photos (for you Dad). The traditional trams and streetcars were really amazing to get around on. In fact we took the cable car to an amazing beer bar on our last night. Which turned out to have a sausage bar next to it. Doesn’t get better than that (for you Mum). 

 

 So now...VEGAS. Looking back on it, I think we were prepared to hate Las Vegas. As it is, I kind of liked it. We spent a lot of this trip making sure we didn’t just do the tourist thing...finding the places that the locals go for really good food and drink, and trying to get away from other tourists. The thing is with Vegas is that everyone is a tourist...and there’s no getting away from it. We didn’t need to find the cool places; there aren’t any. Everywhere is on your doorstep, and that was quite a relaxing feeling at the end of our trip. Everywhere is loud and bright and full of people, and you just have to embrace it.

Firstly, I am a big fan of the Vegas culture of frozen cocktails, especially the Margaritas. I draw the line at a frozen Jagerbomb though. This helped a little with the horrendous temperatures. 38 degrees at night? This is not a night-time temperature. Thankfully we had a pool at our hotel which was a big saviour. And factor 50 suntan lotion (I fear that being with a ginge means I’m predestined to come back from every hot holiday paler than when I left). 

Hitting the fruities

We barely gambled ($11!), but had fun hanging out at the slots, mainly for people watching. We decided to throw caution to the wind and go for a famous Vegas buffet at the Bellagio. Which actually was amazing, but I felt pretty dirts queuing for it for 45 minutes. The bars were fun, and there’s a massive party atmosphere all day and all night. It felt like there was definitely a dirtier edge to Vegas (hinted at by the gross guys handing out cards with women on them) which I’m pretty glad we didn’t see. 

All in all however, Vegas was a really good end to our trip. I think a couple of nights was probably long enough. We were a bit bored of the endless escalators by this point. Although watching everyone sigh whenever they had to walk up a flight of stairs was pretty fun. It’s a totally weird place and I think I would go back, if only to visit the little gay Mexican server we met, who told us he liked our style and that he knew Cher Lloyd. That’s a win-win.

For now, it’s back to work and back to saving for our last couple of trips. The Rockies are finally beckoning and it’s weird, but we’ve had to start planning for when we leave. I don’t quite feel ready to go yet. So hopefully it’ll be a fun summer. 

Will try and blog more frequently over the next couple of months.

Stella x

You say Clamato...

Happy Easter Monday! I am pretty hungover as I write this so apologies in advance. Easter in Vancouver is fun! Well, if you make it fun. I came home from work to an amazing egg hunt round the apartment which took me an embarrassingly long time to complete. And we did THREE egg hunts at work, which basically meant hiding mini eggs underneath phones and shit. FUN FUN FUN. 

A couple of weeks ago we finally made to Vancouver Island to visit Victoria, the capital of British Columbia. And it was, well, fine. The ferry ride over was really pretty as it weaves its way through all the islands to get there. We did have a sticky moment at the ferry terminal where we thought we’d be all smart and use the self-serve ticket machines to avoid the queue. This resulted in our tickets getting blown away by the wind and us not knowing which boat to get on. Clever dicks. We stayed in a hostel which was really cheap so we couldn’t really complain about the rubbish bed and massive noise/broken windows etc. But it was in a nice area and really close to Downtown.

So...Downtown Victoria. I don’t want it to sound like we didn’t have a lovely time because we did. But, Victoria is a little sleepy for our liking. And there are tons and tons of “British pubs”. I use the annoying quotation marks because all of the bars were basically a Yates’, or a Wetherspoons, or an Edwards (haha). We even tried a bar which said it was named after The Smiths which sounded promising but ended up just having a big Union Jack carpet. We also tried the only gay bar in the village which was upstairs in a hotel. Not a good sign! 

 

Ash on Victoria beach

Luckily we found a really fun bar called Big Bad John’s which was done up like a shack, with bras pinned all over the walls and monkey nuts all over the floor. We only wanted 1 beer but the busty barmaid used this weird contraption to let down a plastic horse on our heads to ask if we wanted another. Totally weird, and totally up my street. 

The downtown harbour was pretty and it must get super busy in Summer. I wanted to go on a whale tour (unusual for me) but Ash wasn’t up for it. So instead, we had a really fun afternoon on the beach which was beautiful and pretty deserted. I found an octopus head to play with AND a golf ball. So we got crazy golf too! Proper seaside holiday. Ash also got to try tons of coffee now that she’s proper good at it. I’ve warned her against becoming a coffee bore several times and so far she’s on the right side of things. 

Seawall

We found 2 really great restaurants, one of which had a giant pig head in the toilet. SOLD. Lots of small plates going on, but we had some great BC wine and hardly anyone noticed when I knocked over my chair really loudly and then smacked into the waitress. Victoria certainly does breakfast well too. Most places had a separate Eggs Benedict menu so you can’t go too wrong there. All in all, we had a lovely time, including managing to find a Cadbury’s Twirl in a sweet shop. I’m not sure that we would hurry back to Victoria, but the rest of Vancouver Island looks like a must-see because the coastline is beautiful.

Back in Vancouver, we finally managed to walk the entire seawall last week, accompanied by some sea otters at one point which was cute. It was one of those days where we both remembered how pretty Vancouver is as a city. We took a picnic and it really was stunning. Summer is on its way and I can’t wait. There’s a few swimming pools by the beaches as well which remind me of Skegness. 

We also went to see another hockey game. Our friend is in a women’s team called The Bellinis and we got to watch them play which was cold but really fun. And they won, despite it going to (slightly longwinded) penalties. 

Ash burnt her hand pretty badly a couple of weeks ago which was a fun night. She managed to sandwich her straighteners around her thumb for a little while. It was pretty bad and she had to sleep with her hand in a bucket of ice water. On reflection it probably didn’t help that I told her that would make her wet the bed too. It seems to be healing now though so she’s back on the lattes at work.

GROSS

Mo’nique the mouse has been causing us some distress over the last couple of weeks. She is too light for the traps, and hates any bait that we put on them anyway. I have resorted to trying to whack her with Ash’s copy of His Dark Materials which I’m sure has some deeper significance. Needless to say my literal games of cat and mouse with her have failed. We haven’t seen her in 2 days now though and we’re concerned that she’s either dead, or she’s retreated to her birthing space to fill our tiny flat with thousands of rodent babies. And I definitely can’t kill a baby.

 

It also occurred to me that I’ve blogged quite a few times and haven’t mentioned the weird North American phenomenon which is Clamato juice. It is exactly what it sounds like; tomato juice with DRIED CLAM in it. Why????? It is massive over here. I finally tried it in a Caesar cocktail which is a bit like a bloody mary. It tasted like gazpacho with vodka and fish sauce. Probably the worst drink ever.

We have yet to win the local quiz, which is damaging my self esteem, no matter how many times I tell myself that the questions are just ‘too Canadian’. Oh, and there was a slightly tense moment when we worried we might be under investigation for fraud because the company we came with messed up and told us the same Social Insurance number. So we’ve both been earning under one number. It would seem it can be easily remedied, but going by the luck we’ve had since we arrived with these sort of things, my next blog might be from prison. 

We have plans afoot for our next trip which I think will be a big one so can’t wait for that. And we’re going for a weekend to a cabin with some friends at the end of the month which should be really fun. Especially because the phrase “it might be easier if we just rowed to the pub” has been used. We all know how that’s going to end.

Love Stella x

The Prisoner of AzkaGRAN

I’m going to start off by saying that yes, this blog is going to be primarily food based, and I make no apologies for that. I will also add that I’m concerned I’m turning into one of those losers who takes photos of their food.

Vancouver looking pretty

I really like this graffiti

However, in line with the tradition of my blogs so far, I will spend a bit of time chatting about other things. We now have some more mice in our apartment (WHEN WILL THIS END?) Last night we were awoken by the colossal thud of a mouse climbing in through the window. As previously mentioned, Ash isn’t very good at these things so I set to with a spray-can of Raid. It’s ok though because we’ve named her Mo’nique.  

 It seems that there is no end to Vancouver’s pest problem. Is this something that exists at home and I’ve just never noticed it? Our friends had a ‘pantry moth’ infestation recently (shudder) and I keep walking into the path of skunks on the way home drunk (as a skunk). We’re now not allowed to have the window open at night because Ash is afraid that a raccoon is going to get in.

On the apartment front, the gay mafia set out on a meeting with ‘the bitch who stole our money’ one snowy morning. Needless to say she text me 20 minutes before the meeting to say she’d lost her job and didn’t have our money. So we’re no further into getting our $600 back, and it looks like we’re going to have to write it off. This is a difficult decision for both of us, namely because SHE STOLE OUR MONEY and SHE’S A MASSIVE BITCH. 

DRAG

GRAN

Speaking of bitches, we had an excellent night at the semi-finals of Vancouver’s Next Best Drag Act. There were some excellent contenders and we stayed on for some embarrassing dancing, and a disappointing level of gay pop (Vengaboys???). We got thrown out when they turned the lights on which was a bit embarrassing. We also ventured out for Mardi Gras on Davie Street which was fun.  Ash had a good laugh watching me being ‘grinded on’ by drunken gay men. I’m sure you can all imagine just how awkward I looked there. I’m pretty sure I ended up patting them on the head. (This was also the night after the infamous caricature was done so I was showing off Gran to everyone in the queue. She likes the gay boys). 

Poutine

For those of you who have read Ash's blog you will know that we had a wicked time in Seattle in February. The primary focus was just how good the food and drink were...and how cheap. We finally sampled poutine on our first day (being Canada’s national dish we thought we better try it in America). Essentially, poutine is chips, cheese and gravy...except the cheese is squeaky cheese curds and tastes like paneer. I’m pretty much a convert. We also had some excellent fried chicken and collared greens (with smoked ham) which was amazing and I felt really American. Ash has a delightful slideshow of photos of me sampling the ice-cream on Bainbridge Island in Seattle. In my 

defence it was called Chocolate Peanut Butter Moreo. And it was the best ice-cream flavour I’ve ever had. 

 

Hibiscus

We also enjoyed the beer in Seattle, being a bit less hoppy than the beer in Vancouver (ie. It doesn’t all smell like a passionfruit smoothie) it went down much better with me. Although as Ash mentioned, we did get turned away from the tap house for not having our passports. Boo. The bars in general however were excellent. Really quirky and with pints for $2.50 there were no complaints. Being as I am, I managed to sniff out a secret bar and had an excellent cocktail with a hibiscus flower in it. So now I'm eating flowers too.

The broccoli however was the showstopper of the whole trip. ROAST broccoli. Who knew?  I can’t rave enough about this discovery. We’ve now had it 3 nights in a row at home and it is definitely one to take home with me. I’m also thinking about roasting other brassica. On the agenda tomorrow: cauliflower.

Canapes at Judas Goat

Back home in Vancouver we’ve had a few misses on the food front. We had a rare day off together last week (our schedules are pretty back to front at the minute) and headed down to Chinatown. I got all excited about being in the dumpling shop and ordered a pineapple and coconut steamed bun by accident. Needless to say it brought up considerable peshwari naan memories which would have been better left buried. We tried the Dine Out Vancouver festival with a trip to a restaurant called Abigail’s Party in Kitsilano, which was also fairly disappointing. I’m pretty sure that all 3 of my courses contained honey. 

We also spent an evening in Judas Goat, a restaurant in the group that Ash works for. They specialise in...you’ve guessed it, small plates (like the rest of Vancouver). However I have to say this takes the prize for the literal interpretation of ‘small’. The clams were on the menu individually. I can’t say the number of times I’ve been out for a meal and been desperate for just one, single clam. The food was good but we couldn’t shake the feeling that we’d just eaten a few courses of canapés, and paid quite a lot for the privilege.

View of Bainbridge Island

I hope that the eating experiences improve over the next few weeks. I’m hoping to persuade Ash out for tea tonight, mainly because we only have rendered duck fat and yogurt in the fridge. However she assures me that she "doesn't want noodley broth" so that rules out most places in downtown Vancouver.

We're planning our trips for over the next few months because we've remembered that we're not just here to work! And because Seattle was SO good, apart from that girl thinking I was a guy (again). This doesn't happen to me at home. I was wearing nail varnish. And lipstick. Jesus.

Stella x